I Would Have Stayed
by Trivium E. Bondrasi
Summary: After the war Draco and Harry are still together but something isn't right. Everything is different. Will it ever the the same again?


**I Would Have Stayed**

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><p>He wasn't always this way...<p>

Draco stood in the kitchen of his apartment in Champs Elysee, France looking into the living room where his life partner sat still as stone in his armchair. It was dark in the house except for the fire in the hearth that cast shadows across the man in the chair. The glass of whiskey in his hand dancing with dark colors. Draco turned away and looked out the window with sad eyes. No, his lover hadn't always been like that. Cold, unresponsive, bitter...dangerous. No, once upon a time he had been loving, cheerful, and vibrating with life.

"_Hey, Malfoy!"_

_Draco stopped and turned his head to see behind him. The Golden Trio. He growled softly and continued to walk around the corner of the castle. The Wind whipped around knocking him in the chest. He stepped back his hair and robe flying around him. He growled again and continued through the wind. It was like walking through thick mud._

"_Malfoy! Come on now I just wanna talk to you!" The voice was muffled by the wind but it made sense to his hears anyway._

_After trying to walk further and getting nowhere fast, Draco made his way to the castle wall and leaned against it the wind whipping his clothes and hair around unpleasantly. He grumbled about wind breaking charms and stupid Gryffindors as the three unwanted people came to stand in front of him. Weasley was blocking the wind from hitting his mudblood girlfriend and Potter was just standing there looking like the dunderhead he was. Draco glared at them. He wanted to be left alone! Did no one understand that?_

"_What the bloody hell do you lot want?" He shouted over the wind._

_Potter stared at him for a second before making his way over to him. He leaned on the wall beside Draco so that he blocked the wind from hitting the blonde._

"_I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come to our common room for a party," Potter smiled down at him and he just wanted to slap it off_

_Draco narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists. "What the hell are you going on about, Scarhead?"_

_Harry smiled, "Exactly what I said a party. We have a secret stash of rum and we plan to get wasted. I thought you might like to come. Bring your friends too. The more the merrier, I say."_

"_Are you mad? My father just died and your asking me to go to a damn Griffindor party? You haven't even offered your condolences. But what should I expect from a stupid little half-blood like you?" Draco growled lowly reaching for his wand._

_His hand was caught in a tight grip and Potter stood to his full height. He had to look up. He'd forgotten the Chosen One had finally grown those inches he'd lost through the malnutrition by his muggle relatives. Potter didn't look mad, but he wasn't smiling anymore. Draco watched as Potter lifted his other hand and slicked his hair back into place then left his hand on his shoulder. He glared but on the inside he realized...he didn't mind too much._

"_I didn't offer my condolences because I know you really don't want them. You just want to be left alone which is the exact opposite of what you need. Trust me. I know." Potter squeezed his shoulder before drawing his hands back. "Come to the party, Draco. Trust me."_

_With that he had walked away leaving Draco in the wind to look at the Trio's backs as they walked away._

Draco sighed. He remembered going to that party and how his life changed. From that moment on he and Harry and never been separated again. They had fell in love. Because of that kindness and that care Harry had shown him. When they had graduated Harry had brought him to this apartment and told him it was theirs. It was a moderate sized apartment but it was theirs. In France where Draco had always wanted to live. Harry had been so good to him.

He walked from the kitchen and stood behind the occupied armchair. Harry raised the glass to his lips and took a sip before going back to his still as stone posture. Draco reached over the back of the chair and threaded his fingers into his lovers hair.

They had moved into the apartment when they were both eighteen. They never had to worry about money because Draco had inherited the family fortune from his father. They were happy. They went on dates. They made sweet love. They promised themselves to each other. But then the war had escalated and Harry was forced out onto the battle field. Draco begged him to let him come too but Harry had denied him. Had made him stay in France far from the fight. A year passed and word came to him from his Uncle Severus that Harry had finally defeated Voldemort.

_Draco startled awake at the loud banging on the front door. Looking at the alarm clock he cursed and rose from the bed. He pulled on his robe and slipped his feet into some slippers before stomping to the door. He threw it open._

"_Its four in the bloody morning you..."He paused in his charade when he saw his Uncle Severus standing in the doorway looking somewhat amused. "Uncle! What the bloody hell are you doing here at this ungodly hour?"_

_Severus's face had lost its amused glint in a second and looked sadly at Draco. "Voldemort is dead, Draco."_

_It took him a moment to register that before he broke out with a smile and whoop of joy. He hugged his Uncle. "This is wonderful! Harry...Merlin, where is he? Is he coming soon?"_

_Severus opened his mouth then closed it looking away from the bright look on his nephews face. Draco slowly lost his smile and stood there his heart sinking. _

"_Where...Where is Harry?" he asked quietly_

"_He's in the hospital. Badly injured. They don't know if he will pull through, Draco. I'm sorry." Severus's voice was solemn and soft._

That night Draco had rushed to the hospital to find Harry close to death. When he asked what had happened he was told that before Harry finally put an end to Voldemort the mad man had put a curse on Harry to remove every trace of magic from his body. It had nearly killed Harry. Finally after a few weeks of close calls and tears Harry pulled through. But he was a completely different person. His eyes were dead. He never talked. He wasn't emotional anymore. He was like a zombie.

When they returned home Draco removed everything magical from the house and Harry...he stocked up the rooms with whiskey. From that day he was almost always in that chair with a glass of whiskey staring at nothing. No matter what Draco did he couldn't get Harry to respond. Severus said he should leave. That Harry would never come back. Draco denied it and stayed. Harry would come back. He had to. And even if he didn't Draco would never leave him.

That was six years ago.

Draco sighed again before walking around and standing in front of Harry. Harry's eyes were blank just like his face...It was almost like he was dead. Draco smiled and took Harry's unoccupied hand.

"Harry? Love? Please, speak to me. Please, come back to me. I need you. I love you, Harry. It's been six years. Please! I need you. Your friends need you." Draco begged

In truth, Harry's friends, Ron, Hermione, Remus...all of them had died in the war. But Severus and a few of Draco's friends had befriended Harry before the war and came on regular visits to see them. Even after all these years they still came to see them. Encouraging.

When Draco was met with unresponsive silence he stood and started to make his way to the bedroom when he heard a rustle of clothing and the armchair creaking. He turned around quickly but was met with a sharp pain on the right side of his face around his eye. He felt a cold liquid before his eye and skin started to burn like fire. He screamed and bent over clutching his face. He smelt the whiskey and blood, felt the shards of glass in his skin.

There was a heavy walk and then an explosion of pain in his stomach. The fell over on his side and curled up as he was kicked repeatedly over his body. When the assault halted and the footsteps lead away he lifted his aching head and looked for the attacker. All he saw was Harry standing near the fire. He watched as his lover reached over and picked up the fire poker and turned back to him. Harry's face was still blank but his eyes were cold and bitter.

"H-Harry?" Draco whispered his voice hoarse from the screams

Harry walked back quickly and struck Draco across his bad eye slicing the skin open more. Draco yelled out at the pain but was silenced again by the extreme pain of being hit again in the jaw and mouth. He tasted blood. His jaw hurt. The warm metal landed again on his unprotected side. There was a soft crack and then Draco was screaming again, blood dripping from his mouth onto the floor. He felt the warm offending object tap under his chin forcing it up almost gently. Draco looked up at his lover through tears and blood panting and wheezing painfully. Harry's brows were creased in curiosity his eyes bright and wide. Mad. Not...Harry Potter.

"Wh-what ar-re you...d-doi-ng?" Draco struggled through the pain, his teeth locked to prevent too much pain from his jaw.

The reaction was immediate. Harry's face became expressionless again and the fire poker came down on Draco's leg. The sickening crack was drowned out by Draco's scream of pain before all was silent as he passed out overwhelmed by the pain. Harry had the curious look on his face again. He turned and put the poker in the fire before sitting down in his armchair again.

_ Small kisses. Gentle gropes. The pulling off of clothes. Gasps as skin touches skin for the first time. Soft whispers of reassurances."It's ok. I love you." "I love you too. Please, don't...don't ever leave me." A chorus of moans as their bodies finally become one with a simple thrust of hips. Harry looked down on Draco's sweat flecked face and kissed him deeply as he started to thrust his hips gently. "I will never leave you, Draco. I will always love you. Forever."_

Slowly opening his eyesDraco saw white. He almost thought that possibly he was dead but then his vision cleared some more and he realized that the ceiling was cracked and the white was coming from the florescent lights bouncing off the white walls. Looking down he even saw that the bed he was in was white. Turning his head slowly he looked around the room and finally came to the conclusion he was in a hospital. But why? That meant Harry was by himself at the apartment. He needed to get back home.

As he was about to get out of the bed the door opened and Severus walked in. Seeing Draco sitting up in the bed Severus rushed forward and took his hand in his own before kissing them and softly crying. Draco started to panic. What had happened to make his stoic Godfather cry like this?

"Severus, what happened? Why am I here? Where is Harry?" Draco took one of his hands and pulled his Godfather to him.

Severus stood back almost immediately. "You don't remember...do you?"

"Remember what, Severus?"

"You...you were beaten, Draco. By Harry. You nearly died." Severus whispered as he pulled up a seat, tears still in his eyes.

Draco sat in shock for a moment before he started laughing softly. He couldn't help himself. The idea of his lover, Harry, even touching him in harm was...funny. Harry would never do that. Draco laughed harder and harder until he felt a pain in his side and in his face. In confusion he touched his face and felt the rough skin. With shaking hands he pulled up his nightgown and saw the scars over his ribs. Almost like a freight train he was hit with the memories of what had happened. No...

"Where...where is Harry? Is he at the apartment by himself? You can't tell anyone what he did! He didn't mean it, I swear! He's just confused. Who did you tell?" Draco went into full panic mode. They will take Harry from him. But he didn't know what he was doing! It was an accident. He was confused. Draco started to climb out of the bed again.

"Draco, Harry is dead." Severus said softly with tears in his eyes.

Draco sat in shock. Harry was...dead?

"He killed himself. We found him hanging in the Kitchen when we came to check on you. You were found tucked into the bed all broken. It looked like he had tried to clean you up before he put you in the bed." Severus knelt on the floor and took Draco's hands in his own. "You had been there for at least a week before I came. Harry had only been dead for a few hours though. I tried to save him, to bring him back but...he slit his wrist before he hung himself. It was almost like he didn't want to be saved. He left this for you though."

Severus pulled an envelop from his pocket and put it in Draco's hands. He stood and made for the door. He looked back to see Draco staring at the wall still in shock. Sighing he turned and left the room.

Draco sat there for what seemed like hours before he finally looked down at the envelop in his hand. Slowly he opened it to see Harry's sloppy handwriting. He laughed softly at the words scratched out here and there and the ink blots. Harry always had a heavy hand when it came to writing. With tears in his eyes, Draco started to read his lovers last words to him.

_**My Sweetest Draco,**_

_**By the time you are reading this I pray you are on your way to recovering from what I have done to you. I can't begin to apologize for what I've done. It was a heinous act that I wish I could take back. But I cannot. I'm sure I will always remember this and I wish to Merlin that this hadn't happened. I don't know what came over me. It was like I was in my own world deep inside the shell that is my body. My body was ruled by something else. Something menacing. Something disgusting. I watched as it attacked you. I couldn't stop. I was only released after it was over. Perhaps that disgusting thing was the part of me that blamed you for what happened to me. Of how my magic was taken. It was illogical. I myself never truly believed it. But it seems the idea slowly became it's own person and I was taken over. I wish I had died after I killed Voldemort. You could have moved on with your life and gotten over me. Not stayed with me for nearly over six years later.**_

_**I know you probably would have stayed with me after this, but I couldn't live with the fact that I had hurt you so badly. So won't live with it. By the time you read this I will be dead. I can't make you look at me everyday relieve what I did to you. Even though it seems I am better now and that personality that hated you is gone...I now hate myself. I cannot continue to live. I feel as if I must die so you can finally live. I want you to mourn, and move on. I want you to find the other man that can make you smile and laugh and feel again. I know you are probably thinking that you will never love again but I know you will. I know that there is someone else out there for you. I want you to find them.**_

_**I remember when we were first together you told me to never leave you. I told you I wouldn't. I'd be with you forever. Even though I'm dead, I will always be with you. I'll be in your heart and your soul. You are my mate. I will forever love you. **_

_**I Love You With All My Being,**_

_**Harry**_

Draco cried freely after that. He wailed and sobbed for hours. Severus could not console him. He refused to see anyone. When he finally calmed down he stood at the window with Harry's letter clutched tightly to his chest over his heart.

"You're right, Harry." He smiled softly, "I would have stayed despite everything. And even still, I will love you too forever and always. I forgive you."

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><p>AN:

So this is my newest story. It's not my usual but I feel like it was a success. Please let me know your thoughts. You won't hurt my feelings so please be honest.

Here is a list of the songs that got me through this story and helped inspire.

Decode- Paramore

Forget It- Breaking Benjamin

Was it a Dream-30 Seconds to Mars

You- Breaking Benjamin

So I thought- Flyleaf

So Far Away – Staind

_Thank You For Reading and Reviewing,_

_T.E.B_


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